Sunday, January 08, 2006

Kevin Federline’s Web site loads up


Sometimes you have to stop and wonder how we all got by without the Internet and the breadth of truly important data and high-speed insight. Then, on other days, you hear about things such as the recent premiere of KevinFederline.com.
Yes, the husband of Britney Spears – he of the cornrows, chewing gum and trailer-park ethos – has carved out his own corner of the Web to promote his upcoming attempt at a rap career. The 27-year-old Fresno County, Calif., native who calls himself K-Fed (not to be confused with J-Lo, A-Rod, FedEx or K-tel) married Spears in September 2004. A year later, she gave birth to their son, Sean Preston Federline.
Throughout their relationship, he has been a pop-culture pinata suffering constant whacks from the tabloids and Internet mockocracy. Now, he appears to be whacking himself.
Go to
KevinFederline.com and you are greeted by a collage of headlines and photos taking shots at K-Fed and his marriage, which is widely reported to be on the rocks. There’s audio, too – Federline rapping, “Keep messing with my family and you’re through!” That tough-guy opening sequence closes with the message: “Now that I have your full attention, NEVER judge a book by its cover.” There’s not much else to the site, really, except promises of a big year for the man who to date is mostly famous for making his wife mad.
But there is this message: “I don’t think we’ve ever been formally introduced. My name is Kevin Federline. I’m 6 feet tall, have brown hair and brown eyes. I enjoy horseback riding, long walks on the beach and the wind whipping through my hair. Ha ha ha. On a more serious note, there’s going to be a lot more information and updates on here in the coming weeks, and I think this will provide you with the opportunity to get to know who I really am.”
All of this is ramp-up notice for Federline’s planned rap album this year. One song – “Y’all Ain’t Ready” – was “leaked” on the Internet in November and was greeted harshly. That song had a gem of a lyric: “But maybe baby you can wait and see / Until then all these Pavarottis followin’ me.”
Yes, he said “Pavarottis,” not “paparazzi,” which suggests that the B-boy got crossed up on his Italian terms or he is being stalked by overweight opera tenors. Or maybe it’s a joke? Hard to say. We’ll have to wait for the Web site to expand before all the mysteries of K-Fed can be solved.

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